Floating around social media, I can’t help but to question “Stop normalizing cheating.” If someone makes a choice to be with someone, I believe they should respect the mutually agreed upon boundaries of the relationship. There are people who are good at it, and those who are not. It should be a given that nobody is perfect. In fact, I feel that is the reason that “cheating” is actually very much normal.
We need to break down the statement word-for-word and that’s pretty easy since there are only 3. “Stop” is a common word and for this case, I’m going to go with the definition saying “to cease.” The definition of “normalize” is in the image above. Normalization is to make something common among cultures. The most triggering word is “cheating.” In the mainstream, “cheating”* is used to describe being sexually disloyal to your partner.
So, is “cheating” normal? I say yes. Actually, cheating is one of the most constant acts since humans decided to pair up. People have engaged in sexual acts or emotional connections with people outside of their pair-bond. I don’t think that is debatable. Yes, you can make the commitment but human beings are prone to error. Nobody is perfect ESPECIALLY when it comes to sexual desires and urges. Many of our ancestors and parents had children outside of their commitment. There are diaries and journals that describe affairs, mistresses, and children born out of “cheating.” To this day, many of us cannot claim that we’ve never dealt with cheating. We’ve all personally experienced cheating.
Despite common beliefs, monogamy is not natural, meaning people were not placed on this Earth and automatically looked for a wife. Humans went from nomads who engaged in orgies. Then agriculture and domestication settled them. Men wanted to know their children were theirs and women traded their fidelity for safety and resources. Then, things get ironic as men INSISTED on monogamy(one man, one woman together forever) because the richest men with the most land were collecting wives like baseball cards. And from that point, flawed individuals engaged in commitments of monogamy and fidelity. Asking someone to be exclusively yours sexually and otherwise is an attempt to undo hundreds of thousands of years of DNA builds. It’s not impossible, but it damn near is.
I’m not saying that it’s okay to “cheat.” I don’t condone the violation of trust in a relationship. But we should also trust that it is VERY difficult to resist that primal urge for sexual variety. Set your boundaries with your partner. But be mindful that to err is human.
What else is “cheating” but normal?
*The definition that I use for cheating is inclusive of couples who open their relationship for multiple sexual partners. Clearly, their boundaries are different. For the sake of this blog, I’ll stick with the mainstream understanding.